Toddlers and food; sometimes the combination is enough to have you pulling your hair out.

For lunch my little critter loves cream cheese on bread - but make him a sandwich with slightly more adventurous fillings and it always ends up being pulled apart, licked and the contents strewn. How uncouth.

In a bid to try and tempt him into eating a proper sandwich with a degree of decorum - and to cut down on mess when we’re out and about - I thought I’d try making mini sandwich shapes. And joy of joys - it worked!

It’s pitifully easy. All you need are some cheap cookie cutters, bread and your choice of filling and you’re ready to go.

Just make a sandwich as you would ordinarily, press the cutters down onto the bread and get rid of the excess (or snaffle it yourself). These ham and cream cheese sandwiches took two minutes to make (and around the same for him to scoff).

We’re hoping to now progress onto including a bit of salad, so we’ll let you know how that goes…I’m thinking I may need to bring out the big guns though and use dinosaur shaped cutters or something equally as boyish (heart shapes are far too girlie according to my husband…)

Hope it works for you too! Remember to include your toddler tips in the comment boxes below.

Don’t let being back to the grindstone get you down today - treat yourself to something pretty for spring from New Look with this 20% off code. The code is: EEMZ2001. It’s only valid today - and just online on full priced items…so get clicking.

With my total obsession for all things striped, I’m loving this:

It’s £19.99 full price, so around a thrifty £16 with the discount.

Enjoy!

“The key with this baby will be to get more sleep.”

Hmm…good luck with that.

There’s nothing like a fresh bunch of flowers to pretty up a windowsill.

But I’ve often found that vases from department stores - and even supermarkets - seem oddly expensive.

So my top tip for the day is to stock up on an array of pretty jugs and vases from charity shops so you’re always ready for when someone lovely treats you to a bouquet.

Those pictured above came to less than £2 - for both of them! Total bargain. Now go forth and buy before I stockpile the lot.

If there was ever a chance to have some fun with your toddler it’s at Easter.

Combining dress ups with a good game AND chocolate is sure to give you smiles all round - unless they shove too much of the sweet stuff into their gobs of course…

So here are some ideas for an eggcellent (sorry) toddler Easter egg hunt!

1. Keep it Simple

Most toddlers are not yet at an age when they can take detailed treasure hunt-style instructions…however simply sniffing out some chocolate in a few easy(ish) hiding places is certainly a task I think most should be up for!

An egg hunt can sound like more effort than it’s worth - but honestly you don’t have to go daft. If you’ve only got an hour to spare as a family then all you need to have fun is a pair of bunny ears, a little bucket and a packet of small chocolate eggs. I don’t need to tell you how it works.

Just make sure you have the camera out and enjoy watching your little one run around trying to find their treats!

2. Party Time!

If you’re up for it - and you’re not bothered about your house getting (quite a bit) messy - then why not invite some of their toddler friends?

Beware though: if they’re anything like my son there may need to be some serious refereeing to avoid Easter egg punch ups.

One idea is to assign an adult to each child and keep things fair by giving each ‘team’ a colour of egg that’s theirs to find.

3. Avoid the Sugar Crash

Let’s face it - under twos don’t need much sugar to get them hyper. So if you want to avoid complete sugar overload then invest in some little Easter treats that they’ll enjoy hunting for popped into plastic eggs.

Yes I know. Where the hell are you going to find plastic eggs without eating your own body weight in Kinder Surprise? Good old Poundland is currently selling 18 plastic eggs for a quid. Sorted!

4. Get Crafty

The chocolate will be snuffled out fairly quickly I should think - so to keep the party going set up an Easter crafts table.

Anything intricate won’t hold the attention of under twos and so a paper plate bunny is ideal.

Firstly draw a bunny’s eyes, nose and mouth in the centre of a paper plate. Next cut out a pair of card ears and stick them to the top of the plate. Make sure you have a bunny plate for each toddler.

You will then need a small pot of toddler-friendly (non-toxic) glue and a paint brush for each toddler along with a big pile of cotton wool. Their task is to stick on all of the bunny ‘fur’. And they all go home with a treat for their gran. Perfect! 

5. Eat Up!

If you are brave enough to host a toddler Easter egg hunt then why not put out a few Easter-themed nibbles after you’ve cleared away the crafty debris?

Bearing in mind they’ll have had sweet stuff aplenty then try something fun but savoury. An easy one is bunny shaped sandwiches with the filling of your choice. Either practice freestyle bunny shapes or cheat and find a rabbit shaped cookie cutter.

Above all - enjoy! And make sure to add your own tips and ideas in the comment boxes below.

Picture of the Tees Transporter Bridge by SJM Photography http://sjm-photography.com/

As well as being a mum, one of the things of which I’m most proud is being an adopted daughter of Middlesbrough.

Wherever I go it’s always one of the first things I say. Yep, I’m a Boro lass, loud and proud. However, over the years, I have found that something strange has started to happen…

When other people say where they come from it’s usually met with a pleasant “that’s nice,” or even a vague “isn’t that near…?”. I, on the other hand, mention where I come from and it’s met with anarchy, fair game for all and sundry to ridicule: “Arrghhh you horrible smoggie, get back to where you come from.” 

But I reckon there’s plenty to be proud of in our beloved town - not least the fabulous lingo.

In 2008 I put together a Smogtionary for The Journal that’s recently been doing the rounds on the internet - and so I thought it was high time to let people add their favourite Boro phrases and update it by commenting in the boxes below. 

I hope to make it an essential ‘guide’ to Boro lingo that could be of help to those who’ve never ventured into our glorious town.

There is one vital word missing of course, which, if you manage to annoy someone sufficiently, you may just be able to trigger. But without risking my reputation I think I’ll leave that one to the imagination…

* Please can my fellow ‘Smoggies’ help me build the Smogtionary by adding words and phrases in the comment boxes below. I’ll add them as soon as they’re suggested.

A:

Aggy Bo/Aggy Boo/Aggy Bo Bo - Ha ha, the joke is on you. This phrase is often accompanied with a flutter of one’s fingers across his or her chin.

Ayaz - To hurt oneself 

B:

Bag ‘ed - Drug addict

Baltic - Extremely cold/freezing. The origin of this word is presumably the Baltic Sea.

“God, it’s baltic out there like.”

Beast - A particularly difficult challenge

“What a total beast that was.”

Black’n - An all day drinking session

“I’m going on a black’n’.”

(The) Bongo - A renowned Boro nightclub located ‘Over the Border’

“You’ll never guess who ended up in The Bongo.”

Buzzin’ - Very happy

C:

Canny - Someone with an amenable personality. To be a canny lad/lass or even ‘canny as’ is the ultimate Boro accolade.

Class - Very impressive

Copper - Small change

Croggy - See ‘Tan’ 

D:

Defos - Definitely

“Are you defos going there tomorrow?”

Devoed - Devastated

“I’m propper devoed me like.”

Div/Divvie - Someone with lower than average intelligence

Doyle - Idiot

E:

Eeeeeee - An expression of shock, surprise or delight

“Eeee, well I never.”

Eee-yah - Here here, can I please have your attention?

F:

Fumin’ - Very angry

G:

Gadge - A familiar greeting

“Now then gadge.” 

Get - Its origins are presumably in ‘git’

“Come here you little get.”

Gizzit  - To ask someone for an item

Goosed - Very tired or inebriated

H:

Haway - Please do hurry up. It can also have a meaning similar to the phrase “come off it.”

I:

I’m not having that like - You are pulling my leg, I simply won’t believe it.

J:

K:

Keggy - Black eye

Kick off - To get angry

Kick clean off - To get very angry

Knack - To hurt. You can knack someone or you can, yourself, be knacked.

Knocked clean out - To punch someone and render them unconscious

“I knocked him clean out.”

Knocked spark out - A variation of the above

L:

Laffin’ - Not bothered

“Ahh laffin’.”

Lemon top: Delightful ice cream cone with a tangy lemon top. Mainly found at popular seaside resort Redcar.

Ledge - A hero

“What a total ledge.”

Like - A way of ending a sentence 

M:

Mafting - hot

Mallon: Directly elected mayor Ray Mallon, former police officer known for his zero tolerance approach to anti-social behaviour.

“Ere, if you don’t pack that in I’ll tell Mallon.”

Mam - Mum

Mint - Very good

“It’s proper mint that like.”

Minted - Lots of money

Mish - A rather long way

“I’m not going there like - it’s too much of a mish.”

Molly - Love bite

N:

Nappa - Head

Nectar - Really good

Nick off - to play truant

Nithered - Feeling the cold

“I’m totally nithered.”

Nowt - Nothing

Now then, now then - Hi everyone. How are you all?

N’tha - Said at the end of a sentence to emphasise its meaning

O:

Our - Used to signify a family member or belonging

“Our mam is coming round in a bit.”

Our Lad/Our Lass - My boyfriend or husband/girlfriend or wife

Our ‘ouse - My house

Over the Border - An area of Middlesbrough that good boys and girls should never venture

Ow: Excuse me

“Ow, who you calling a doyle?”

‘Ows about - How about

P:

Paraletic - very drunk

Parmo - A celebrated Middlesbrough delicacy consisting of flattened, deep fried chicken, smothered in a layer of bechamel sauce and melted cheddar cheese.

People’s Republic of Teesside: Middlesbrough’s full title, used on official documents.

Pint touch - A pint of lager topped with lemonade

Proppa - Very much, a lot

Proppa dodge - Very unsportsmanlike

Q:

Quality - Very good

“It’s proppa quality that.”

R:

Radgie - Irate/feeling of great anger

“He was proppa radgie him like.”

Ratted - Very inebriated

Righto - Okay

Ripped Off - I can clearly see you are annoyed. It can be prefixed with ‘Arrgggghhhhhh’ to increase its intensity.

NB Children have also been known to accompany this phrase with a ‘ripping’ action.

Rippage - A clever abbreviation of the above

S:

Scunner - A person with limited means or limited morals

“What a total scunner.”

Scunnerish - The actions of a ‘scunner’

“‘Ow scunnerish is tha’?”

Shockin’ - Out of order

Shot ‘em out - Throw them out

Sly Off - To sneak off with a friend

“She proper slyed off with Laura last night.”

Snidey - Sly

“Did you hear her snidey remark?”

Sparko - An abbreviation of being ‘knocked spark out’

“He was proppa sparko.”

Spot on - just right

Swear down - The ultimate testament that one is telling the truth

“I swear down on me mam’s life.”

Swear to God - I promise

T:

Tan - To catch a lift on someone’s bike

Tanking Down - Raining heavily

Tarzy - A rope hanging over a beck or such like. Youngsters swing from them.

Tret - Treating someone to something

“I tret her to a pint.”

U:

V:

W:

Wadded - Someone who has a lot of money

“He’s proper wadded him like.”

Wouldn’t Dare - Said in reference to something you wouldn’t dream of doing

“Eeeeee, I wouldn’t dare me like.”

X:

Y:

Young’un - brother/sister

Yerjokinarnyer?: I do not believe that to be true.

Youse - You people

“Youse had better pack that in like.”

Z:

Some women look at pregnancy stretch marks as earning your stripes. But I think, in the main, this is one accolade the majority of us would rather do without.

I believe that it’s mainly the luck of the draw when it comes to stretch marks – and no matter how much you oil up like a greasy chip it’s more down to genes than anything if you manage to avoid them.

But I think pregnancy pampering is nice too - and where’s the harm in hedging your bets and trying a few lotions and potions? Especially those that leave you smelling sweet rather than a bit sweaty…which is mainly how I feel at the mo lugging this massive bump about.

Asda’s Little Angels is a lovely range of products for both mum and baby – including a Maternity Stretch Mark Oil enriched with coconut oil and rosehip oil (£1.35 per 100ml bottle) and a Maternity Stretch Mark Cream containing cocoa butter and rosehip oil (currently £1 per 100ml tube). 

I popped on my journalistic cap and did some digging. I discovered that the majority of the leading stretch mark oils and creams retail for around £10-£15 and yet share many of the same ingredients as the Little Angels products which are dermatologically tested and hypoallergenic.

The oil smells delicious and while moisturising has a dry matte feel once absorbed, meaning you avoid the oil slick effect. The cream also smells divine and is light and quickly drawn into your skin leaving it feeling fabulously smooth.

No they mightn’t deliver a miracle - but at those prices well worth a go I reckon. And at the very least you’ll feel pampered and smelling sweet. Result.

To buy online visit this link. 

* I have a lovely lot of Little Angels products to give away! The prize bundle includes:

• Maternity Stretch Mark Cream
• Maternity Stretch Mark Oil
• Little Angels Head to Toe Wash
• Little Angels Conditioning Shampoo
• Little Angels Baby Lotion

To be in with a chance of winning please email mieka.smiles@live.co.uk with your name and address by March 24, 2013. Winner selected at random. Editor’s decision is final.

Becoming a mum for the first time is scary…

‘I’ve accidentally eaten chorizo’, ‘My boobs are leaking yellow stuff’ and ‘I’ve potentially deafened my unborn baby by slamming a door near my bump,’ are all very common concerns during pregnancy (or is that just me…).

Anyhow the lovely people at Boots have launched a free new service to support mums ‘from bump to birth’ - a Pregnancy and New Mum Support Service available in Boots UK pharmacies.

From information on what beauty products are safe to use during pregnancy to nutritional advice during breastfeeding, the pharmacists are on hand to help answer your queries. There is also a handy web link for guidance at home: http://www.boots.com/en/Pharmacy-Health/Health-shop/Pregnancy-breastfeeding/

And don’t forget…you can also join the Boots Parenting Club which has fab perks such as 10 points on your Advantage Card for every £1 spent in the baby area, a free changing bag when buying a pack of Pampers New Baby or Active Fit Nappies and exclusive coupons and free magazines. Visit http://www.boots.com/en/Mother-Baby/Parenting-Club/Join-the-Parenting-Club/ for more information.

You see them at baby and toddler groups.

Their eyes are glazed. Their pallor pale. Mentally they’re elsewhere. A beach perhaps. Twinkling blue sea, dusty golden sand, dressed in a pretty, wafty summer dress and with free mojitos on tap.

The reality is starkly different. They’re in a cold and musty church hall, hair ‘washed’ with dry shampoo one time too many and spilling a cup of cold tea over mumsy should-really-have-been-chucked-away-after-pregnancy maternity jeans.

Their toddler is repeatedly smashing a seen better days toy telephone over another child’s head whilst they try and (unsuccessfully) catch baby sick. The other mothers look on with a mixture of pity and scorn. “Well she brought it on herself,” they tut mentally.

This woman - this tired and weary woman - is soon going to be me.

The mums I know brave enough to have done the two children under two thing handle it with enviable aplomb. Perhaps they’re on some kind of performance enhancing drug I’m as yet unaware of? But I know, I just know, I won’t be handling my two with much grace in public.

What I need is some advice and quick. Do other second-time-mums carry on like this? Whinging and moaning, worried about surviving the day with two? Or is it just me?

Thankfully not - it’s an actual thing. There are guides to ‘coping’ with two under two aplenty…one of the first I find is a first-person account starting with the line ‘I can’t do this’. Just the words I need to read. Bloody hell.

Those who have been there smile when they see me running around after George, massive bump somewhat restricting my speed. 

“It’s hard work,” they say, knowing smile in place, “but it’ll all be worth it,” they add, hopefully not just to be polite.

Here I round up some of the most useful advice I’ve managed to find.

1.  HANDLING TWO SETS OF NEEDS AT ONCE

Hmm. Well basically the consensus on this is that it ain’t gonna happen. I just have to decide on which need is less likely to end up in serious trauma and get on with the other.

“This is where kids learn life lessons like how to share and wait their turn,” says a top child psychologist.  

I hope so. Rather that then them learning how to plot the demise of the other via raisins and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse reruns.

2. GUILT. OH THE GUILT.

What?! More bloody guilt? The birth of your first child inducts you into a whole new world of guilt that you never thought possible. And there’s going to be more?

Sadly yes - many worry that they just can’t be as good a mother as they were to their first to their second (swap ‘good’ with neurotic in my case).

No. You won’t have time to fret they’re pulling a weird face and ring 999 (yep - really happened).

BUT there’s an upside! Apparently a smaller age gap leaves the older child blissfully unaware of sibling jealousy - which may lessen the guilt you may have had dealing with it.

If child #1 had have spent any longer as their parent’s one and only it often leads to disaster once the new baby crosses the threshold. A reason to be cheerful.

3. GET HELP

One guide warns of pure exhaustion. Not just exhaustion. Pure exhaustion. So clearly a new level of tired that I’ve hitherto not experienced. Great.

But what I didn’t do first time around was really rely on anyone. I wanted to be uber mum and do it all myself. And although I often felt like I was failing, with the help of my husband, we got through it.

This time, warn those who’ve done it, that will not be an option. I’ll need to accept all the help I can get. And this is exactly what I intend on doing.

4. BECOME A HERMIT

Okay. It doesn’t say that. But what many warn is that leaving the house becomes a logistical nightmare. I know this feeling already - so doing it with two? I have a feeling it’s going to be pretty difficult.

“Don’t feel ashamed if you suddenly become a homebody,” says the expert. 

So I’m going to suck it up and host coffee mornings aplenty. Rather that than a potential stress-induced heart attack on the way to soft play I reckon.

5. THE GOOD BITS

Yippee! They weren’t lying. There are nice bits! Good to end on a positive.

* They will be close, particularly if they’re the same sex as they may share interests. And once the baby is a bit older you can put your feet up with a glass of hard earned white and let your two tear around the back garden rather than having to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Again.

* The hard bits are over faster. Nappies, weaning, potty training - all done and dusted in, erm, three more years. But, if you choose to stop at two, you’re done. You can start to relax and enjoy your lovely family without the supermarket tantrums.

* They share a timetable. I’m not actually sure what this one means. I think the writer must have been pretty much scraping the barrel here in desperation. But in the interests of positivity I’ve decided to include it anyhow…God knows I’ll need the boost.

So wish me luck and Godspeed - I’ll most definitely need it.

* Please feel free to add any of your ‘two under two’ tips in the comment boxes below.

How much do you let your toddler watch? And how much is too much? 

I’m no PMM (a Precious Moments Mama who feels they must spend every hour of every day doing something enriching with their child, fishing for tadpoles and the like). But I have to admit, sticking George in front of the TV still makes me feel uneasy.

Need ten minutes for a shower? Pop the TV on. Won’t eat his dinner? Pay YouTube a visit on the iPad. Tantrum in the back of the car? Load up the DVD player.

A veil of blankness comes over his normally animated little face. Happily ‘plugged in’ any screaming quickly subsides to sniffles and, just like that, he’s off to la la land. It’s like a switch. It’s all too easy - and for that reason it’s disconcerting.

Up until he was around a year old I made an effort not to fall into the TV trap. I’d read bad stuff. He thought the TV was just another permanent fixture in the living room to throw things at. But now he’s 22 months old Mickey & Co have slowly seeped into our lives and become a quick fix. Others have realised their power over George’s behaviour too - but his dad and grandparents seem to feel less guilty about utilising the magic tool.

But the alternative of talking him around, negotiating, coercing and even bribing can seem almost impossible at times. Take George’s current hatred for car journeys. On a recent 40 minute round trip he spent the entire time screaming “die, die, die,”. Repeatedly. It certainly made me want to die.

On a serious note though, he was clearly very distressed and doing his level best to wriggle out of the car seat straps. The usual comforting method of me holding his foot and driving one-handed seemed even more dangerous than usual, given I’m currently eight months pregnant with a huge bump to consider. Giving him my mobile could have stopped it all. Very tempting. 

Me and the other half have decided on a ‘good day’ (i.e. involving me and my neurosis over his cartoon consumption) he probably gets through 30 minutes or so of so-called screen time. On a ‘bad day’ - including car seat tantrums - perhaps 50 minutes all told. How that compares with the general toddler population I’m not sure. But regardless - for me it doesn’t sit well.

So what do the experts say? It makes uncomfortable reading. 

Countries such as the US have official guidelines on this, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommending that under twos watch NO television. They say that under two there are no benefits, and potentially negative effects. In the UK, however, there is no such official advice. But that doesn’t mean that there hasn’t been calls for it.

A recent review in an influential UK journal suggested that children under three should have no screen time. The author said that the critical time for brain growth is the first three years of life - and that is when children need to interact with their parents eye to eye and not with a screen. Read the full article in The Guardian about the paper here.

However other experts say that there are things that can be done to ‘mitigate’ the negative effects, watching the TV with your children for example.

I know plenty of parents who sidestep the issue altogether, refusing to have a TV in their homes. More power to them I say. However I don’t think the rest of us are plonking our children in front of the TV all day, just sometimes wrestle to strike the right balance.

So…here are a few of the less patronising tips I’ve garnered from across t’inernet to help your child get the best from their screen time, and perhaps lessen parenting guilt in the process…

1. TV as Junk Food

They say everything in moderation. An occasional sweet treat won’t harm but a diet of them will. Treat television the same way, aiming for under an hour a day if possible.

2. Pick a Programme

Avoid your child going into autopilot mode and decide on a daily favourite. Choosing a show will also help limit screen time.

3. Watch With Mother

…Or father, or grandparents for that matter. Research has shown that academic success is influenced by how much TV a child watches - and who with. This way it becomes an activity that you can enjoy together.

4. TV Talk

Discuss the on-screen action. If Mickey’s favourite number is three today then talk about it and relate it to your toddler’s real life. There are three chairs in the living room etc.

5. And Keep on Talking

If the show’s theme was doctors then you could always play doctors later in the day to reinforce the lesson. Talking about Peppa’s trip to the doctors may also help get them interested in a bit of imaginative play.

Please feel free to add your own ideas in the comment boxes below.